How to Help Kids With Anxiety:
A Parent’s Guide
Learn how to recognize anxiety in children, what to say (and what not to), and how to guide your child toward confidence and calm.
When your child feels anxious, it can show up in surprising ways, like tantrums, clinginess, stomachaches, trouble sleeping, or sudden perfectionism. You want to help, but it’s easy to second-guess yourself. Should you encourage them to face their fear or protect them? Is this just a phase, or something more serious?
This guide will help you understand what anxiety in children really looks like, how to help kids with anxiety without reinforcing fears, and which strategies truly work — including when to seek professional help. You’ll also find tools, conversation scripts, and guidance on finding the right therapist.
What is anxiety in children?
Anxiety is a normal response to stress or danger; it helps us stay alert and safe. But sometimes it becomes overwhelming or chronic and starts to interfere with daily life. Anxiety disorders are actually the most common mental health condition in children and teens.¹ ²
Every child worries sometimes, and butterflies before a test or shyness at a party are normal. But persistent fears that disrupt daily activities may signal childhood anxiety. For example, a child worrying before a big game may just be excited, while a child who refuses school for weeks may have school-related or separation anxiety.³
Childhood anxiety often goes unnoticed in quiet, perfectionistic, or high-achieving kids, who may work extra hard to hide their distress.² But in other children, anxiety can lead to behavioral dysregulation, emotional outbursts, or meltdowns.
Does my child have anxiety? How to recognize the signs
Children don’t always say, “I’m feeling anxious.” Instead, anxiety often shows up as physical complaints, behavior changes, or emotional outbursts. Because anxiety can look different depending on a child’s age, personality, and communication style, it’s easy for parents to miss or misinterpret.
Spotting these clues early is one of the most powerful ways you can help. By recognizing the signs, you can support your child before worries become overwhelming and teach them that all feelings are valid and manageable.
Emotional and cognitive symptoms
- Excessive worry: Concerns about school stress, friendships, health, or family safety.²
- Catastrophic thinking: “What if something bad happens?” or “What if I mess up?”³
- Fear of mistakes: Intense fear of embarrassment or imperfection.³
Physical symptoms
- Digestive issues: Stomachaches, nausea, or appetite changes.³ ⁵
- Sleep problems: Trouble falling or staying asleep, or frequent nightmares.⁵
- Body tension: Headaches, muscle aches, racing heart, or shallow breathing.⁵
Behavioral symptoms
- Avoidance: Refusing school, avoiding activities, or clinging to caregivers.³
- Meltdowns: Emotional outbursts before or after stressful transitions.⁵
- Reassurance seeking: Constantly asking for validation or repeatedly checking.⁵
Symptoms in younger vs. older kids
- Younger children: More likely to show anxiety through tantrums, clinginess, or physical complaints (“my tummy hurts”).³ Many parents wonder how to help kindergarteners with anxiety during big transitions like starting school. Offering gentle reassurance and consistent routines can make a big difference.
- Tweens and teens: May become irritable, withdraw socially, or seem overly self-critical. They might also “mask,” acting fine outwardly while struggling inside, especially in neurodivergent children.⁴ Check out this video to learn more about supporting your teen with anxiety.
What causes anxiety in children?
Anxiety in children doesn’t have a single cause. It’s shaped by genetics, brain development, environment, and learned experiences. Some children are naturally more cautious or sensitive, while others develop anxiety after stressful events or big life changes.
Understanding these potential causes isn’t about blame. It can help you respond with patience and compassion and guide you toward strategies that truly support your child.
Biological factors
Genetics, differences in brain chemistry, or sensory sensitivity can play a role.² Some kids have a naturally cautious or highly sensitive temperament, which can make them thoughtful and empathetic but also more prone to anxiety in new or unpredictable situations.
Environmental triggers
Bullying, academic pressure and school stress, major life changes (like divorce or moving), or trauma can all contribute.³ Chronic stress or unpredictable environments may reinforce a child’s sense of danger.
Cognitive patterns
Negative self-talk, rigid thinking, and intolerance of uncertainty often fuel anxiety.⁵ Children may develop prolonged habits of rigidity and black-and-white thinking (“If I’m not perfect, I’ll fail”) or feel overly responsible for preventing bad outcomes.
Parent modeling
Children learn by watching. If a caregiver avoids discomfort or often verbalizes worry, kids may internalize similar patterns.² ³
Neurodivergence and trauma
Children who are autistic, have ADHD, or experience sensory processing differences may find the world more overwhelming. Trauma histories can also increase hypervigilance and emotional sensitivity. Learn more about childhood trauma in this video.
5 ways to help a child with anxiety
Helping a kid with anxiety doesn’t mean removing every challenge. It’s about helping them build skills to face fears, gain confidence, and feel less alone. While it can feel overwhelming, you don’t need all the answers. By showing up with empathy, patience, and a willingness to learn together, you’re already helping your child take brave steps forward.
The skills below are best taught and practiced when the child is feeling calm and regulated before applying them in highly anxious situations.
1. Validate without empowering the fear
Acknowledge feelings without confirming the danger.
- Say it clearly: “I can see this feels really big for you, and I know you can get through it.”
- Avoid dismissiveness: “Don’t worry, there’s nothing to be scared of,” can feel invalidating.
- Stay calm if they resist: Take a deep breath before responding. Keep your voice calm and even as you say, “I’m here with you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
2. Teach calming tools
Help your child learn to soothe their body and mind.
- Deep breathing: Use metaphors like “smell the flower, blow out the candle” to guide slow belly breaths. This lowers heart rate and brings focus back to the body.⁵
- Grounding exercises: Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique: notice five things you see, four you touch, three you hear, two you smell, and one you taste.⁴ This sensory focus helps calm spiraling thoughts.
- Positive phrases or visualization: Encourage “I can handle this,” “I’ve done hard things before,” or imagine a safe place or superhero strength.
- Offer choices: “Would you like to try breathing or squeezing your stress ball?”
3. Roleplay and rehearse
Practice feared situations in a playful, supportive way.
- Act it out: Practice scenarios like asking for help or introducing themselves to a friend.
- Play the “worry bully” game: You act as the anxious thought, and your child counters it.⁴
- Talk through “what ifs”: “What’s the worst that might happen? How could we handle it?”
4. Break down tasks and build confidence
Make big challenges smaller and celebrate effort.
- Take small steps: For example, for a sleepover, start with a daytime visit, then dinner, then an overnight stay. If they feel anxious about giving a presentation at school, start by practicing at home for you, then for a small group of family or friends, before building up to sharing it in class.
- Focus on trying: Praise effort and bravery over perfection.³ ⁵
5. Model calm coping
Show them healthy ways to handle anxiety.
- Focus on your own self-regulation: This shows your child that the situation is safe and manageable.
- Narrate your own strategies: “I feel nervous before presentations too, so I take deep breaths and remind myself I’m prepared.”³
When to seek help
Sometimes parents' accommodations—a well-meaning effort to reduce anxiety or reassure their child that they are ok–can inadvertently reinforce the message that the situation is in fact scary or that the child is incapable of coping without their parent's presence. In other cases, parents tend to have an emotional response observing their child’s distress.
In these instances, anxiety needs more than at-home support. Here’s when to consider professional help and where to start.
Signs of clinical anxiety
It may be time to seek support from a mental health professional if your child experiences the following:⁴
- Daily life interference: Your child struggles to go to school, maintain friendships, or participate in family life.
- Avoidance patterns: Missing activities or opportunities they once enjoyed because of fear.
- Persistent symptoms: Lasting more than four weeks without improvement despite supportive strategies.
Where to start
Begin by talking with your child’s pediatrician.
- Rule out medical concerns: Some physical symptoms (like stomachaches) may have medical causes. A pediatrician can help clarify.
- Get connected: Pediatricians and school resources can recommend a therapist or psychologist specializing in child anxiety.²
When choosing a therapist, consider asking:
- Experience: “Do you have experience working with children my child’s age?”
- Approach: “What methods do you use for child anxiety?”
- Parental role: “How will I be included in the process?”
Find a therapist who specializes in treating children →
What to say to your child about therapy
Explain therapy in a reassuring, kid-friendly way.
- Normalize support: “A therapist is like a feelings coach — someone who helps you with your worries.”
- Reassure them: Emphasize they aren’t in trouble and that asking for help is brave and normal.⁴
- Engage your child: Help them identify their own goals for treatment and ask, “If you woke up tomorrow and things were better, what would be different?”
- Explain what to expect. "You and I will talk to the therapist together first, then you’ll have some time to meet with the therapist by yourself. The therapist will start by asking questions to get to know you and might have games or toys in their office as well.”
Childhood anxiety treatment: Therapy that works
Childhood anxiety can be overwhelming, but effective treatment options are available to help children regain calm and confidence. Understanding these approaches empowers parents to support their child’s journey toward emotional well-being.
- Play or art therapy: Helpful for younger kids or those who express themselves better through activities.⁵
- Trauma-informed or neurodivergent-affirming approaches: Adapted for children with complex needs or different communication styles.⁴
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy: CBT helps children learn to challenge anxious thoughts and gradually face fears. It’s considered the most effective treatment for child anxiety and is often paired with parent coaching.²
- Medication: In some cases, medications like SSRIs may be recommended alongside therapy for severe anxiety.² Talk with your provider about safety, potential side effects, and how medication fits into an overall treatment plan.
How Psych Hub helps parents
Childhood anxiety is common, but it doesn’t have to define your child’s life — or yours. With the right support, your child can learn to face fears, build confidence, and feel more secure in themselves. And you don’t have to navigate it alone.
Psych Hub can help you find care that fits your family’s needs. Take our well-being assessment to get matched with personalized options, or explore our provider resources to find a therapist who aligns with your values and goals.
Sources
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