How to Encourage a Friend, or Loved One, to See a Therapist

Talking to a friend, or family member, about therapy can be difficult, especially when you care deeply about their well-being and want to help them seek the support they need. Whether they’re dealing with overwhelming stress, depression, anxiety, substance use, or simply struggling with life’s challenges, encouraging a friend to seek therapy can be a life-changing conversation. However, it's important to approach this sensitive topic with care and respect. This article will guide you through the process of recognizing signs that your friend might benefit from therapy, how to approach the conversation, what to say and what not to say, addressing common concerns or misconceptions, and what to do if they aren’t ready to seek help.

Signs That Someone Might Benefit from Therapy

Before approaching your friend or loved one about therapy, it’s important to identify signs that indicate they may need professional help.¹ Keep in mind that mental health struggles manifest differently for everyone, but some common signs that might suggest psychotherapy could be beneficial include:

1. Changes in Behavior or Mood: If you notice your friend becoming more withdrawn, irritable, or unusually emotional, this could be a sign that they’re struggling. Significant shifts in mood, such as frequent sadness, anger, or anxiety, might indicate underlying emotional challenges.²
2. Physical Health Changes: A sudden change in your friend's sleeping habits (e.g., insomnia or sleeping too much), changes in their eating habits (e.g., eating significantly less or more), or a decline in self-care or personal hygiene could point to emotional distress or mental health issues.
3. Increased Stress or Anxiety: If your friend seems constantly anxious, overwhelmed, or unable to manage stress, it might be a sign they are struggling with their mental health. When stress or anxiety is interfering with daily life, it is a good indicator that therapy might help.
4. Relationship Struggles: If you observe conflicts in your friend’s relationships, especially frequent outbursts of anger, withdrawal, or isolation from loved ones, therapy could provide them with the tools they need to improve communication and manage their emotions.
5. Statements About Self-Harm or Suicide: If your friend expresses feelings of hopelessness, makes statements about not wanting to live, or mentions self-harm, it’s crucial to take these seriously. If you suspect your friend might be in danger, reach out to a mental health professional or emergency services, like 988, immediately.

How to Start the Conversation

Once you’ve identified signs that your friend may benefit from therapy, the next step is to bring up the topic. Here’s how you can initiate the conversation in a thoughtful, compassionate way:

1. Pick the Right Moment: Choose a time when you and your friend are both relaxed and able to talk privately. Avoid starting the conversation when your friend is already upset, as they may not be receptive. Find a calm, quiet moment where you can have an open, honest discussion.³
2. Express Your Concerns: Let your friend know that you care about them and are concerned for their well-being. Focus on specific behaviors or changes you've noticed without being judgmental. For example, instead of saying, "You’ve been acting crazy lately," you could say, "I’ve noticed you seem a bit down and distant lately, and I’m worried about you." Be direct but kind.
3. Ask Open-Ended Questions: Encourage your friend to open up by asking questions like, “How have you been feeling lately?” or “What’s been going on in your life?” This invites them to share their perspective and may reveal any stressors or challenges they’ve been facing.²
4. Avoid Being Pushy: Respect your friend’s pace and level of comfort. Avoid pushing them into therapy or mental health treatment if they’re not ready. The goal is to have an open conversation, not to force a decision.

What to Say (and What Not to Say)

While talking to a friend about therapy, the way you phrase things can make a big difference. Here are some suggestions for what to say, and more importantly, what to avoid:

What to Say:

1. “I care about you, and I’m worried about your well-being.” Expressing your genuine concern will help your friend feel supported, rather than criticized.
2. “Therapy has helped a lot of people, including myself. It can be a great way to get support when things feel overwhelming.” Normalizing therapy by sharing your own experiences or how others have benefited can make the idea less intimidating.
3. “It’s okay to ask for help. Everyone struggles sometimes.” Reassure your friend that seeking help is not a sign of weakness but a healthy step in managing life’s challenges.

What Not to Say:

1. “You need therapy. You’re a mess.” Avoid making negative or judgmental statements. This can make your friend feel criticized, defensive, or ashamed of their struggles.
2. “You’re just overreacting.” Dismissing your friend’s feelings can alienate them and make them feel like you’re not taking their struggles seriously.
3. “If you don’t go to therapy, we can’t be friends.” Ultimatums are unhelpful and can push your friend away. Setting boundaries is okay, but avoid making demands that make them feel pressured or unsupported.

Addressing Common Concerns

Your friend may have specific concerns about therapy, and it’s important to address them with empathy and understanding. Here are some common concerns and how you can help navigate them:

1. Cost and Accessibility: Many people hesitate to seek treatment due to financial barriers. Suggest looking into affordable therapy options, such as sliding scale clinics, community centers, or online therapy services that may be more cost-effective. Some therapists offer free consultations or payment plans.
2. Fear of Judgment or Stigma: Some people worry about the stigma surrounding therapy or feel ashamed of needing help.³ Reassure your friend that seeking therapy is a brave and responsible choice, not a sign of weakness. You can also share your own positive experiences with therapy to help normalize it.
3. Fear of Opening Up: It’s common for people to be afraid of revealing their deepest feelings to a stranger. Let your friend know that therapists are professionals who are trained to provide a safe, confidential space. They will never judge your friend, but will instead offer support and tools to help them cope.
4. Uncertainty About the Process: Many people aren’t sure what therapy will look like.⁴ Explain that therapy is a collaborative process where your friend can go at their own pace. Therapists are there to guide them through their challenges and help them develop coping strategies. Let them know that the therapist can share information about what to expect during a therapy session before their first appointment.
5. How to Find a Therapist: If your friend is open to seeing a therapist but unsure where to start, Psych Hub’s care navigation service can help. Finding the right therapist can feel overwhelming, but our service simplifies the process by connecting people with licensed providers who fit their unique needs, preferences, and budget. Our well-being assessment can also help identify what type of care might be most beneficial—whether that’s therapy, digital apps, or other mental health resources. Whether they’re looking for in-person or virtual sessions, specialized expertise for a mental health condition, a provider who takes their insurance, or a specific type of therapy we can help guide them through the options. Encourage your friend to take the first step—Psych Hub makes it easier to find quality mental health care.

What to Do If They Say "No, Thanks"

If your friend isn’t ready to seek therapy, it’s important to respect their decision. Here’s how to handle the situation:

1. Be Patient and Understanding: It may take time for your friend to come to terms with the idea of therapy. Let them know you’re there to support them no matter what and that they can reach out when they’re ready.
2. Provide Resources: You can gently offer Psych Hub’s care navigation information, brochures, websites, or local therapists as a way of giving them the information they need to make an informed decision.
3. Check In Regularly: Continue to check in on your friend’s well-being. Let them know you’re available to listen whenever they feel like talking, and remind them of the benefits of therapy and that therapy is always an option if they change their mind.

Conclusion

Encouraging a friend to seek therapy can make a real difference in someone’s life when done with compassion, patience, and understanding. By recognizing the signs that your friend may benefit from therapy, approaching the conversation with care, and addressing their concerns, you can help break down the barriers to seeking help. Ultimately, therapy can provide your friend with the support they need to heal, grow, and regain control over their life. Whether they choose to take that step now or in the future, your support can make a significant difference.

Sources:

1. Mental Health, Drug and alcohol: Signs you need to seek help. SAMHSA. (2023, April 24). https://www.samhsa.gov/find-support/how-to-cope/signs-of-needing-help

2. Erentzen, C., Quinlan, J. A., & Mar, R. A. (2018). Sometimes you need more than a wingman: masculinity, femininity, and the role of humor in men's mental health help-seeking campaigns. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 37(2), 128-157. https://doi.org/10.1521/jscp.2018.37.2.128

3. Gulliver, A., Griffiths, K. M., & Christensen, H. (2010). Perceived barriers and facilitators to mental health help-seeking in young people: a systematic review. BMC Psychiatry, 10(1). https://doi.org/10.1186/1471-244x-10-113

4. Cheng, H., Wang, C., McDermott, R. C., Kridel, M. M., & Rislin, J. L. (2018). Self‐stigma, mental health literacy, and attitudes toward seeking psychological help. Journal of Counseling &Amp; Development, 96(1), 64-74. https://doi.org/10.1002/jcad.12178